Scared of Everything = Always Brave!

 I went to a viewing yesterday for a delightful woman in my ward who I really liked, but didn't spend enough time with.  She was dying of cancer.  I think I sometimes stayed away because of not wanting to bring germs to her, but also because of being busy or tired.

Then I kind of realized, because of my Hashimotos and related health challenges, tired is my normal! 

I wish I could go over there right now and knock on her door and spend time with her.

Well, I'm going to spend time with her daughter.  I'm going to bravely be friends with everybody to the extent that they want me in their lives.

I'm going to like myself and assume others like me.

I lost a close friend when I finally had to break out of my destructive habit of pretending to agree with her destructive habits.  I celebrated a healthy step she was considering and that offended her.  (Still confused.) When I look at our personalities, it seems that an adjustment was eventually inevitable.  When I'm mentally healthy, I like to attack things head on and be advised/questioned/evaluated/empowered head on.  I'm not an eggshell tiptoeing friend.  This is the opposite of my lost friend.  I'm passing through the anger phase of the grieving process today so I won't elaborate here on the lost friend.  But what I did learn is that I like real, direct people and I must be a real, direct person to feel connected.

I'm compassionate.  I can listen.  A lot better than this lost friend realizes.  It does depend on the time of day and time of the week.  But I can listen.  Especially if people are patient with me and not too easy to offend.

I will now bully my husband into going for a walk with me.  Tee hee.  He should because he's leaving for a weekend trip and we can spend some time together.  I think he married me for my confident boldness and it is something that life has tried to beat out of me.  I will listen to the Spirit, I will do what's right, I will knock on the hard doors, and I will cringe at that run on sentence.

Weirdly, I'm also always scared of everything.  So everything good I do is brave.